The edge

It is as though I am at the edge of a precipice, waiting to leap.   I worry about all that I will leave behind, that one last good-bye will not be enough.  I fret about moving forward, into the (slightly) unknown, but feel it has to be better than this anxiety-ridden last day.

I couldn't decide last night whether to go to bed or stay up and watch Peter tinker with the computer.  I tossed and turned over sleeping in versus trolling the aisles of Target with him for those last-minute must-haves.  I want to unpack more boxes, but don't want to waste our 'together time' sorting through piles of stuff that can really wait one more day.  I am a mess of fighting back tears about the imminent departure vs. dreaming about a weekend away at a sleepy little bed and breakfast on R&R.

Every meal has that tinge of bittersweet.  I want to cook our dinner together at home, but too many errands and family time at the pool cancel out that hope.  There is also his desire to hit another favorite "one last time".  

The hours before he leaves are dragging and flying at the same time.  I keep reminding myself that thousands have done this before and thousands will likely follow.  I should buck up and stop thinking, talking or writing about it and I will just feel better.  I should just go enjoy a last few moments of completely normal before he leaves.

Like we did yesterday…had a day at the Salty Dog pool.  We gorged on mezza and shawarma and then swam our little hearts out.  Kelsey had a cannonball contest by herself while Nicholas swam until exhaustion.  Cait twirled baby Nate in the water and we basked in a small break in the heat and humidity that the thunderstorm earlier in the day brought to us.

We dragged ourselves out of the pool to watch the kids play in the living room…Sunday evening play, nothing strenuous.  We read the comics and penciled in answers in the Sunday Post crossword.  Realizing the time, we gathered our bags and began to head out.  The blissfully normal continued until Pete started to walk out and said,  "see you in a few months" and reality reared its ugly head.  With that, we headed home in silence…until the girls fought over the radio and it was blissfully normal once again.