{this moment/this year}

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Wishing that your New Year is everything you want it to be and more. Idea courtesy of Soulemama.

Since it is the last moment of the year 2010, I also attempted to create a collage to capture our year in review.  It may not have every moment, but touches on many special times in 2010.

Our new dog

for a few days was this little guy, Dylan.  He is the second child of our friends Jack and Janet.  They were taking their older son to New York City for the week and needed an emergency pet sitter.  Enter our family…we adore dogs, but for obvious reasons, will not be adopting another one just yet.

Now that Dylan has been with us for a few days, and even learned how to 'sleep-in' a la Caitlin (maybe it's something about her room?), the kids have remembered that having a dog requires a great deal of responsibility.  

To quote Kelsey, after taking Dylan out for the 5th time on Tuesday, "Having a dog is a lot of work!"  She loved taking him out though and spent this morning lamenting the fact that he never spent the night in her room.  Perhaps he, too, was flummoxed by the never ending supply of Barbies and books clogging the available floor space?  It was enjoyable work, though, as I was able to combine my exercise needs with Dylan's for several days with a few very long walks.  Win/win!

Kelsey's utterance, however, is the reason if we do get a dog anytime soon, it will not be a puppy.  I can handle an older mutt, but puppies aren't even a consideration until the Little Guy is quite a bit more…mature.  Sadly, I wasn't able to get the most fabulous pics of Dylan, but here are a couple of the little guy happily settling in for a few days with the family.  

‘Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the (town) house…not a creature was stirring, except for a crazed parent or two, frantically wrapping gifts in the wee hours of the morning.  Of course, they hadn't planned to be up at 2 a.m. trying to play Santa, but when the Little Guy was suddenly and inexplicably quite ill much earlier in the evening, plans quickly changed.  Not long after arriving home around 7 p.m. and eating dinner (and merely moments after deciding to camp out under the Christmas tree), LG suddenly turned, coughed and…Peter spent a good half an hour with the Little Green Machine and cursing our carpets.

Up until then, it had been a calm evening, peaceful as Christmas Eve should be.  Sure, a bit of a push to get to church in time for Christmas Eve mass, but we made it.  Not only did we get a parking spot, but 3 prime seats in front of the children's choir.  It was a beautiful, standing room only ceremony (even the balcony was filled) that was over in time for us to view a friend's outstanding light display and enjoy a fabulous dinner of Chinese & Thai prior to our reading of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Sadly, something hit Nicholas during or not long after dinner.  One moment LG was happily pretending to camp out (& wait for Santa) under the Christmas tree and the next moment…well.  Once LG was cleaned up and appropriately attired in Christmasy jammies, we snuggled on the couch, took turns reading the Christmas poem and bid adieu to the kids.   Unfortunately, as I led Nicholas up to bed, it was take two on the sickness.  A cough here, a cough there and suddenly Peter was stuck cleaning our bedroom carpet as well.  No fever, nothing otherwise wrong with him, perhaps just a little too much excitement?

Hours later, we tackled the gifts.  We did not go overboard, yet there still seemed so much to wrap and, par for the course, we forgot a few things (and had to quickly wrap and throw under the tree the next morning/afternoon/evening…).  We all slept in Christmas morning and once the video camera was set to go, we marched downstairs. 

Stockings were opened first, as always.  A small amount of chocolate, bath treats and small trinkets prevailed.  The girls then tore into their gifts (including sleds, so we are (sadly) officially responsible for not receiving enough snow in the DC area today) and we spent a very happy and lazy afternoon reading, eating (homemade scones…yum!), snoozing, playing with trains, painting and "burning the fire" (playing fire station/fire man according to Nicholas). 

I spent hours just watching the kids, listening to Peter snore and watching Little Guy take his time to truly open and enjoy each gift, before moving to the next one.  While I know some kids (my girls, to be sure) enjoy ripping through things (and then going back to admire each one), there is nothing like seeing an LG truly appreciate and treasure each and every present as though it's the only one. Unwrapping, looking at it, the eyes growing wide and then playing with it while thinking they have the best auntie/sissa/grandparents in the world because they knew he would love the recycling truck/fire truck/train set/helicopter.

I'm not sure how to categorize Christmas just yet.  There were a few moments that we could have done without, but how was I to know that the carpet cleaning would remind me of how much things had changed in just two months?  Yes,  a weird but valid connection of thinking how if we had wood floors, Peter wouldn't have spent the evening cleaning carpets, but because things have changed for us, wood floors are out for now…you know how it goes.

Conversely, Peter was here for Christmas, and despite the doctors original assertions, I am far healthier than they thought.  Maybe, just maybe, around this time next year we will be frantically cleaning the carpet for a different reason:  the house being prepped for pack-out, we will enjoy a small, but festive final Christmas in the U.S. and our next post will be only weeks away at best.  A girl can dream, right?

{this moment}

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

 

Wishing you an amazing weekend!  Idea courtesy of Soulemama.

 

 

Last week

we had an opportunity to attend a very unique type of holiday party.  As Peter was on an unaccompanied tour at the time the event was first mentioned, I thought it would be appropriate for us to attend.  I double-checked that our attendance would be allowed regardless of his status (since it could feasibly change just prior to the event) and I was given the thumbs-up to send in our information.

An invitation soon followed and before we knew it, Tuesday, December 14th arrived and we found ourselves scrambling to get ready and downtown in time for the celebration.  We pulled the girls out of school early (worth it, in our opinion), got onto Route 50 and within 15 minutes (about 45 minutes EARLY) arrived at Main State to find no parking whatsoever.  Peter had decided to come with us and run a few errands, so either way we needed a spot that did not expire at 4:00 p.m. We decided to take one last swing up C Street and miracle of miracles, a limo driver stopped in his tracks and waved us over to the ONE spot facing Main State that was open and not in a tow-away zone after 4 o'clock.  We thanked the driver profusely…almost as if he knew I had a sleepy toddler and a bum arm and no way of walking the Little Guy for several blocks (the stroller thing just doesn't work or expend enough energy for him).

We angled the car in just so, bumped into a long-time FS friend as we were doing so and then decided to brave security (ironic, eh?) sooner rather than later.  Within 10 minutes, we were with many others waiting for our elevator ride to the reception room.  

At approximately 3:15 p.m., we began to move slowly but surely upstairs.  We registered, stopped at the coat check and took the short trip to a winter wonderland.  The entire floor was gorgeous and one room was filled with holiday treats for the younger set.  Upon wandering inside the main reception area, the gingerbread house table hosted a "Christmas boot" (as Nicholas called it) decorating area* and there were delicate sandwiches and drinks (sodas and such) aplenty.  

We wandered back and forth between the rooms (after having toured the whole floor) and enjoyed healthy snacks as well as incredibly rich hot cocoa.  Rudolph (yes, as in the Red-Nosed) was also in attendance and waved several times, but Nicholas kept a good 12 foot distance.  He likes the idea of Rudolph and Santa, but still has very little interest in say, shaking a paw or sitting in a lap.  

The highlight of the day was the opportunity to hear the Secretary of State speak.  Her office hosted the party from the words spoken by the Secretary as well as other guest speakers, to the ballet, to the gourmet treats (particularly the "candy bar"), it was an afternoon we won't long forget.   Kelsey had been initially reluctant to go (I had to drag the girls out of school…I would have been thrilled to miss classes at either age!), but once we were there, they didn't want to leave.  Both girls loved listening to the Secretary, and Kelsey was particularly excited as a class discussion had centered on Secretary Clinton just one week prior to the reception. 

Photo ops with the Secretary were numerous, though the quality of mine is dubious.  Guess who's camera (the ole point and shoot) died in the middle of the afternoon?  Yep, you know what's on my Christmas list…well, maybe next year's.

We probably long over-stayed our welcome, but enjoyed meeting up with long-time friends, as well as others whom I had met only via email.  We slowly but surely made our way downstairs, found Peter, gathered our coats and headed out into the blustery and cold  evening.  It was a long afternoon and my first outing with the kids (on my own) since the surgery.  I was exhausted, but so thrilled to have a chance to really get out and see people.  More to the point, the party had the flavor of an Embassy Christmas/holiday party which we really miss attending.  A bit bigger than those attended in the past, but cozy at the same time and will not soon be forgotten.  Many thanks to everyone who worked so hard on the event…a hit in our books!

*It was a little ornament decorating section and Nicholas chose a stocking or "Christmas boot."  Fabulous idea, as was the candy bar, to give the kids a creative outlet and a bit of a treat.  There was nothing sweeter than watching Nicholas delicately spoon 5 M&Ms and a lollipop into his treat bag and wander off, thrilled with his 'loot'.  Oh, and yes, the last picture is my favorite!

We have a handshake

and the start date is definitely January 3.  Peter spoke with his new boss today and met with the person he will be replacing.  I can't get into every detail yet, but it is a position at headquarters with everything we desired and more.  Flexibility (regarding my *cough* issues), regular hours, travel (if desired) and a few other perks are all part and parcel.

Now, here is where I brag on hubby's employer:  absolutely amazing.  We have had our ups and downs in this lifestyle, but from Peter arriving home within 2.5 days of my diagnosis (as in stepping through the doorway) to the new career opportunity, we have been so unstressed in certain respects.  The past few months have not been a cakewalk for us emotionally (or me physically), but not having to worry about sick leave or his employment (other than my self-imposed guilt) and the way the FS community has rallied around us in every way possible, has made life much easier.

Funny, as of today I have finally given up feeling guilty regarding Peter's curtailment.  Tonight as I was doing my stretches/arm exercises, I realized that I have close to full range of motion in my arm and shoulder. A huge (emotional) weight off my shoulders…arm and shoulder nearly back to normal.  Coincidence? With my increased understanding of illness and the mind-body connection, I think not… 

The envelope was tucked

in the pile with the rest of the obvious holiday mail.   Notes and cards from friends and relatives, wishing us a joyous Christmas, Happy Everything and a very happy new year.  Some had photos, some not, but all were appreciated.

Then I picked up the second to last one up.  Unbeknownst to me from a first glance, it was slightly thicker than the rest.

"A-ha," I thought, "my first Christmas letter!" 

I curled up with my cup of coffee, wrapped myself in the soft and cozy blanket from a friend and prepared for what was surely an interesting read about the sender's past year.  Imagine my shock when I started reading and discovered that the letter was to me and about me. The words written were so thoughtful, but  the letter took me completely by surprise.

I wasn't really sure what to say and I was stunned beyond belief.  Peter's first words were, "How many times did you cry?"

At last count, three:  one per read.

I can't and won't write too much more…but once again I am touched beyond belief and the wish will be honored with much joy.

{these moments}

{these moments} – A Friday ritual. Two photos capturing moments from the week. Two simple, special, extraordinary moments. Moments I want to pause, savor and remember.  

Monday

Thursday

May your weekend be the winter wonderland of your dreams.  Idea courtesy of SouleMama.  

That darn cat

I mean, our sweet "Bailey-Kitty" thought he would help me with a post.  Just as I was about to re-write the title for the umpteenth time, he pranced across the keyboard and clicked publish for me.  Thus there is (or was) a bizarre link that went nowhere. I gave up after that as it simply wasn't the right time and I also realized I should be working on Christmas cards.  

No, they will not be so timely this year…but better late than never?

It’s official: He’s back

for good and I may be the most selfish Foreign Service spouse on the planet.  It was Peter's idea, but for many weeks I steadfastly said I would not allow him to do it.  However, a week or so after the surgery, I looked ahead at my next year, even without chemo, and decided I just can't do it alone.  The result?

He curtailed from his unaccompanied tour of duty.  

As of yesterday afternoon he is no longer on the UT that we worked so hard to plan and implement. He will be returning (well, paperwork wise) to the DC area to a new and different (but exciting) position.  It's not 100% definite yet, but he had an interview earlier this week and if all goes well, he will have an incredible career opportunity (a one year assignment) beginnning on or about January 3, 2011.

Where do you go from here?  How do you really feel?

This will be our year to reorganize and re-energize.  The extra few months to a year in the area won't hurt in the long run and the kids are so excited that Peter will be sticking around.  Yes, he will be busy with his new position, but even having him home evenings and weekends will be a huge help for me.  With all of the indefinites that still remain, I realized this is something we need to do.

Are you going out again?  

You bet your bippy.  I'm not hanging around here any longer than is necessary.  We are hoping to bid on a position that would let us depart for post sometime between January – July 2012.  

Isn't that crazy?  Um, aren't you recovering from cancer?  Don't you need constant supervision?

No. Yes. No…well, not really.

We made it abundantly clear to all of my doctors that we would not allow this 'blip' to interrupt our lives. Not only did this not surprise them, most of them had experience with patients moving and/or frequently going overseas.  While they would love to see me every six months, they have already amended that to a once yearly in-person visit.  I will just need to find a local doctor/RMO who can perform the six month tests (bloodwork, etc.) and forward the results.  

What about follow-up surgeries, radiation, reconstruction and hormonal therapy?

I will get into all of the above more in a future post, but right now almost everything is in a holding pattern.  We are going to get a second opinion on radiation and hormonal therapy and go from there.  If we decide Tamoxifen is right for me, it can be shipped to me at post, so that will certainly not hold us back from moving.  

I neglected to mention one other development that eased my mind at the plastic surgeon's office. Dr. X had long ago offered that I might consider having an implant exchange.  He would remove the tissue expander and give me a temporary implant.  This would help me with my discomfort, as I am really tired of feeling as though I have an underwire bra underneath my skin (yep, it feels that good!).  The regular scar massages (and time) have helped, but there are still feelings that make my skin crawl. The sooner the tissue expander is out (about 10:45 a.m. on January 20th), the better!

I know I have made it abundantly clear that I want a 'natural' look and feel, hence the Diep.  I am just too overwhelmed right now and need more recovery/adjustment time.  Given that radiation is still up in the air and I would need 4-6 months recovery time from finishing that treatment, we are now anticipating that I will have my 'real' reconstruction in the fall.  Having the implant placed now will give me a more normal feel to my chest region until I am prepared for reconstruction (and Pete saves up more sick leave…there's a lengthy recovery period).

I really wanted to be that super-confident and strong person.  I yearned to desire to continue this year by myself, no matter what I had to go through and how exhausted it left me.  However, it finally hit me that sometimes it's smart to be selfish and I am fairly sure most would agree that this is the right move.  For those who don't, well, so be it.  I have decided to let go of the guilt and enjoy the opportunities that this change in plans gives us.  It's not what we envisioned, but we will make it work.