It’s official: He’s back
December 15, 2010 16 Comments
for good and I may be the most selfish Foreign Service spouse on the planet. It was Peter's idea, but for many weeks I steadfastly said I would not allow him to do it. However, a week or so after the surgery, I looked ahead at my next year, even without chemo, and decided I just can't do it alone. The result?
He curtailed from his unaccompanied tour of duty.
As of yesterday afternoon he is no longer on the UT that we worked so hard to plan and implement. He will be returning (well, paperwork wise) to the DC area to a new and different (but exciting) position. It's not 100% definite yet, but he had an interview earlier this week and if all goes well, he will have an incredible career opportunity (a one year assignment) beginnning on or about January 3, 2011.
Where do you go from here? How do you really feel?
This will be our year to reorganize and re-energize. The extra few months to a year in the area won't hurt in the long run and the kids are so excited that Peter will be sticking around. Yes, he will be busy with his new position, but even having him home evenings and weekends will be a huge help for me. With all of the indefinites that still remain, I realized this is something we need to do.
Are you going out again?
You bet your bippy. I'm not hanging around here any longer than is necessary. We are hoping to bid on a position that would let us depart for post sometime between January – July 2012.
Isn't that crazy? Um, aren't you recovering from cancer? Don't you need constant supervision?
No. Yes. No…well, not really.
We made it abundantly clear to all of my doctors that we would not allow this 'blip' to interrupt our lives. Not only did this not surprise them, most of them had experience with patients moving and/or frequently going overseas. While they would love to see me every six months, they have already amended that to a once yearly in-person visit. I will just need to find a local doctor/RMO who can perform the six month tests (bloodwork, etc.) and forward the results.
What about follow-up surgeries, radiation, reconstruction and hormonal therapy?
I will get into all of the above more in a future post, but right now almost everything is in a holding pattern. We are going to get a second opinion on radiation and hormonal therapy and go from there. If we decide Tamoxifen is right for me, it can be shipped to me at post, so that will certainly not hold us back from moving.
I neglected to mention one other development that eased my mind at the plastic surgeon's office. Dr. X had long ago offered that I might consider having an implant exchange. He would remove the tissue expander and give me a temporary implant. This would help me with my discomfort, as I am really tired of feeling as though I have an underwire bra underneath my skin (yep, it feels that good!). The regular scar massages (and time) have helped, but there are still feelings that make my skin crawl. The sooner the tissue expander is out (about 10:45 a.m. on January 20th), the better!
I know I have made it abundantly clear that I want a 'natural' look and feel, hence the Diep. I am just too overwhelmed right now and need more recovery/adjustment time. Given that radiation is still up in the air and I would need 4-6 months recovery time from finishing that treatment, we are now anticipating that I will have my 'real' reconstruction in the fall. Having the implant placed now will give me a more normal feel to my chest region until I am prepared for reconstruction (and Pete saves up more sick leave…there's a lengthy recovery period).
I really wanted to be that super-confident and strong person. I yearned to desire to continue this year by myself, no matter what I had to go through and how exhausted it left me. However, it finally hit me that sometimes it's smart to be selfish and I am fairly sure most would agree that this is the right move. For those who don't, well, so be it. I have decided to let go of the guilt and enjoy the opportunities that this change in plans gives us. It's not what we envisioned, but we will make it work.
You ARE being a super-confident and strong person, AND you are being realistic. As a family, y’all are all in this together (State, overseas, fighting cancer, everything. . .) It’s all a group effort, right?
What an amazing blessing for Peter to get (hopefully) that great position in DC. A year to catch your breath, treat what needs to be treated, and prepare for the next adventure. . .
YAY! You ARE that super confident and strong person Jen! Seriously! I must be a selfish friend because I was so hoping that he would be able to stay to help you out. Hello – it’s best for ALL of you! So happy for you guys. Fingers crossed for that exciting position he interviewed for! xo
Yay. I believe this is great news and the perfect way to move forward….
I’m so glad Peter was able to curtail and be home for you and your kids! What fantastic news!
This is terrific news! So glad Peter will (hopefully) be able to be here and help you! This is such a blessing and I am certain it will only speed your recovery!
Hooray! I don’t think anyone could do it alone, and you certainly shouldn’t do it alone when there is an option. So pleased, it looks like you’ve got things worked out. I’ve got my fingers crossed for the exciting new position, but the most important position is right by your side over the next year. I love it when a plan comes together. 🙂
Also, you mentioned sick leave you know that other people can donate that, right? My husband just did, and he may have some left.
I think recognizing when you need help and asking for it takes a lot of strength! You are a strong person, a strong mama and a strong wife. 🙂
That decision was in the best interest of your family. Enjoying some aspects of it doesn’t make it selfish!
“I really wanted to be that super-confident and strong person.”
seriously? Jen honey … hush up and just listen for a minute. You ARE … you are both of those and more. Anytime you need a reminder of that, you only need hit ‘publish’ on a blog post that says “help remind me!!” or email your crew … A-M-A-Z-I-N-G is what you are!
so shuddup … and enjoy the new change in plans (since you guys are getting soooo good at handling the changes in plans!) and squeeze him that much tighter …
2012 is a GREAT year for a deployment … with all of you in tow!
I am so glad that you will have the support you need. I know it is hard to change plans after all the work you both put into making the unaccompanied tour came about. I am with everyone else in saying you are amazing ad strong! SO many people wouldn’t share such tragedies. You have been so open about everything and I am sure have helped so many others who have, will, or will support someone going through the same thing. Enjoy having your husband home.
A friend of mine had a double masc. and she told me “I always wanted harder, perkier boobs, but now that I have the tissue expanders in I can’t wait to have soft boobs again.” I hope everything goes well for you!! And maybe your next post could be London…tons of specialist drs. as well as the “foreign service” experience.
I am so glad Peter could curtail and be home with you! You are a strong woman that would have tackled the year no matter what life threw at you. However, there are times when a family just needs that extra time together and I am glad you guys get that time!
Glad to hear that somethings are no longer up in the air. It will be really, really helpful to have him there for you and the kids.
A friend reminded me of this Mr. Rogers quote today, and I wanted to pass it along to you:
“Some days, doing “the best we can” may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn’t perfect — on any front — and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.”
–Mr. Fred Rogers
gentle hugs
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It’s a tough decision, but I am so glad Peter could curtail and be with you. He needs to be with you as much as you need him.. I am sure he will be much more efficient and happy with his job, whatever he is doing, if he knows for sure that you are well and cared for. Can’t do that from a zillion miles away. Family must come first sometimes, and yea, I believe that the folks we work with and for, they know that too.