I dreaded today

like I dread one or two days of each R&R for Peter.  Yep, it was doctor day.  It fact it was the day for the annual ladyparts test whose ending rhymes with *dram.*  My, I have quite a long list of words now that I never want to say/hear again…including that one.

Given that this whole business has turned me into a doctor-hating (well, if I know you personally, that's different…and if you are a vet or non-human doctor, you are good to go!), hospital loathing weenie when it comes to medical stuff. If I so much as see a hospital symbol within a week of an appointment, I quite literally break into hives.  Oh, and my blood pressure?  Through the roof!  120/90 at my last appointment (months ago, but I can't forget it) and I thought my heart was going to explode while the nurse was inflating the cuff.

I dreaded today,  NOT because I fear anything would be wrong, just because I hate that I am told they are *necessary* (reality being who really knows).  I knew that they would not find anything and I'm not just being some overly positive person.  As far as I am concerned, this was a one time deal and I simply won't put up with anything else.  So, no expectations of anything wrong.  However….

When I arrived, I had to sign in on the pink ribbon emblazoned sign in sheet.  You know, like we all don't know why we are there.  Gotta love it being shoved in your face again.  Then there is the paperwork review:  Despite the fact that there is a wealth (I'm sure) of information on me (and my stellar attitude, too), they ask about your history.  I'm fine with a "Check the box if you've had weird changes since your last visit, e.g., growing a second head," however, WHY do I have a to re-write a history that, A.  they KNOW and B.  cannot be anything but painful to remember.

Don't worry, the minute I left the reception area, my biggest advocate and anti-pink person laid into them on both of the above topics.  Really, updates are one thing, but a rehash of everything in the records?  Not necessary.

Then there was the good ole exam.  No big deal, not terribly painful or uncomfortable, though I do hate the wait.  I mean, you don't know why you have to wait so long, whether it's an overly thorough comparison, or the doctor just had to finish lunch first.  

Finally, the technician walks in, says "no suspicious findings" (duh) and then adds, "Oh, the radiologist left a suggestion about MRIs.  You might consider having one given your *personal history.*

I just about lost it as my head spun around in several directions.  Did the breast surgeon not specifically tell me that if I wanted one, I would likely have to front the money myself?  Did she not say I was *not high risk enough?* And, if the doctor checked my records to notice that I *hadn't* had one recently, yet HAD seen the doctor, she would know this little tid-bit.

So, like the nice, kind, soft-spoken person I pretend to be, I explained patiently exactly what transpired at my last visit.  The technician then repeated herself, and I reminded her that the very doctor she told me to speak with had repeatedly told me that she could not justify writing the scrip on the basis of my exam.  She seemed to get it, but there was no chance to speak with the doctor and at that point, I was livid, so I hightailed it out of there.  I relayed the entire incident to Peter, who was equally enraged, and tried to let it go.

If you are wondering, I am not a person who is comfortable with more doctor visits. They do not make me feel better or safer.  I know I am healthy and doing just fine.  I spent way too much time in doctors' offices as a kid (which now makes me wonder…) and am not going to torture myself like that as an adult.  Nor do I want even more invasive, unnecessary tests that carry risks of their own. I accept that I may well be in a minority.  However, that does not mean that just going to an annual appointment has to be such a pain in the rear, especially when there is likely absolutely nothing wrong.  

*Personal history* my rear.  Did I mention I can't wait to move to Managua and leave this stress behind?!  Or that we might have a move date?  Maybe…but that's a story for another day….