I waved the white flag

and came out of the battle a winner…of sorts.  Oh, you weren't aware there was a war?

Well, not so much a war as a battle of the wits and I was at my wit's end.  It was a stand-off between the teenager and myself.  She was being very 13 and I was at the end of my rope.  I've dealt with too much crap over the past year and I simply didn't have the patience anymore.  So I gave up and suddenly there was peace.  Who knew it could be so…easy?

Now what was so stressful?  Believe it or not, it boiled down to Confirmation.  Cait is in 8th grade and it is the *typical* time that one receives the sacrament of Confirmation in the Catholic faith.  While she has attended religious ed faithfully and enjoyed the atmosphere (and the intense discussions), she remained ambivalent about Confirmation and this had led to several not-so-fun conversations.

Last night, we attended an informational meeting and everything came to a head.  She wanted nothing to do with it, wouldn't let me review the information, slouched, fiddled and basically ignored me.  She complained about various aspects, seemed unsure about doing it at all and suddenly the light clicked on:

It just didn't matter.

If she didn't do it this year, so what?  She could wait until she was sure it was the right step for her and then do it.  She would not be the first person (or the last) to take the extra time she needed and I would rather her be truly committed, than simply do it because of familial pressure. It's too important to place on her without her full involvement.

I texted Peter that I gave up and that she was not interested and that was that.  I figured we would politely sit, let the coordinator finish speaking and then leave. About 15 minutes later, something changed.  There was a sudden shift in the atmosphere.  Cait sat up, grabbed the folder and started filling out forms.  She asked about joining the children's choir and wanted to fill out the registration form that minute.  I told her we had to wait and then she launched into a discussion of what might be her choice for a confirmation name.

I don't know exactly what happened.  Maybe it was  a miracle of sorts, but not on her part…on mine.  I received the reminder I needed that we can guide our children, but we can't force every decision upon them, especially one regarding faith.  I want her to remember that this was her choice, her decision and her efforts, not mine or her father's.  Doing something to please us or meet what she feels are our expectations is far worse than simply admitting she's not ready.  

Maybe I'm not screwing up this mom-of-a-teenager thing after all…(or yet)…