Don’t Read..

this post.

It's a whiny, venty rant.  I was so proud of myself yesterday.  Finally, as one person commented, I was at peace with the decision I knew I needed to make.  I felt like everything was going smoothly and today's appointment was going to be a piece of cake.

I had agreed to the M-surgery.  I thought that was all I needed to do.  I thought if I did that, I would get a reward.  I would be told maybe I have to have chemo (hoping against hope to NOT have this happen) but  in all likelihood, it would nothing or just a smidgen of radiation.  Fine, 6 weeks, I could handle that if there was nothing else.

Then, without warning, I was slapped in the face.  I am facing not just one, but both, if I choose to go with the current doctor's plan.  It will be nearly impossible to avoid them.  The palm trees?  Forget about that for a long time.  Due to the extra treatments, I won't even be ready for my final surgery until July or August, which is when we should be thinking about moving (another topic we won't touch at this moment). 

I guess I don't need to mention what this is doing to our year.  We had so many plans, so many goals that are now completely unattainable.  Everything is on hold and it is tearing me apart.  The worst part?  Each and every time I think positively or try to hold onto that bright side, it is snatched away.

I don't know, I am wondering if maybe I need to reverse my thinking.   One extremely wise person once told me she is never disappointed because she doesn't expect much in the first place….maybe that's where I am going wrong?