Exhaling in

relief.

If one couldn't sense from the past few blog posts, the last 12 days have been an incredible roller coaster of emotions for me.  From the first day of testing, through this afternoon, it is safe to safe I have been up and down and all around.  It seemed that every piece of news that came my way was cause for more worry and I ended up at the point where I simply didn't want the phone to ring.  I had lost the faith that even a smidgen of good news might come my way.  

Today we had to run a few errands and decided to include Kelsey since it was her early day.  Peter had spent a good portion of the morning pestering doctors and support staff, making appointments and being the stalwart support person that he has become. We found this list online, and both agree that these 10 items are key for anyone helping another in this type of situation.  Even in my darkest moments, each and every item seemed realistic without being hokey.

The doctor's office called as we were nearing Target and upon listening to the voicemail, figured out it was a call for a follow-up appoinment.  This was interesting, as Peter had called this morning to find out when we would come in next and hadn't yet heard back.  Before he could call the office back, the doctor called, asked to speak to me *shudder* and Peter handed me the phone.  Ahem, support person?

Grudgingly, I took the call and the doctor asked me how I was (seriously, really?).  I choked out "Fine!" and she offered that both the genetic test (for BRCA1/BRCA2) and the PET scan results were in.  She then started to detail the PET scan results.  As far as the liver, left breast, lymph nodes and bones were concerned I was in the clear.  Nothing appeared anywhere else, but…

But?

There was one small area of concern on an ovary.  From what I have learned PET scans, cycles and false positives, it is likely not a problem, but she has referred me for another ultrasound just in case.  I'm thinking I should get some sort of punch card with this…have ten, get one free?  I'm sure the insurance company would more than appreciate it.  So,  we are avoiding thinking about the ovary for now, but will have it scanned and are being positive that it will be clean.

Forget about the ovary, though, I was still stuck on the PET scan being, well, normal.  I was so non-responsive, she asked again if I was okay.  Still waiting for the bad news to hit, I mumbled that I was okay and waited for the other shoe to drop.

It didn't.  The genetic test was in and I am NEGATIVE!  Given the options I was originally given, this is the equivalent of a lottery win to me.  I was looking at possibly a much larger, more invasive surgery if anything was found on the left breast and/or the genetic test was positive.  Just knowing I have more options has us on cloud nine.

What does this mean?  Realistically, things could change.  However, for right now, the efforts will be focused on the original and only current point of concern. By no means is anything 'over' and we realize there may well be a very long road ahead of us.  The bright side?

There is a bright side and for the first time in 12 days, I can see it again.  I am by no means resigning myself to any particular route to wellness, but now feel as though I have some sort of options, that I am not being cornered into a do or die position.  I feel as though there is hope and am so grateful to have the support of a loving husband and family and friends (old and new) who care so deeply.  I realize I have been in an all-encompassing fog and I am so grateful that it has begun to lift ever so slightly…